 Explore Erotica!I just had the great pleasure of coming upon this gorgeous vintage erotica blog, " Antique Porn, Retrosex, Vintage Erotica" (courtesy of http://halo-of-flies.tumblr.com/). There are some beautiful images to browse through and help spark that sexual fire deep within. Sex was even more taboo at the time these were taken and yet they are so powerful, ranging from sensual erotica to voyeuristic impromptu moments. Sex in history. It's the best. I have always appreciated to art of the erotic from Anais Nin to the dirty-talking skills of Gianna Michaels. Finding these images reminded of the beauty within erotica and how just a few words--just a picture can arouse such a blush and flush the skin. Some of the most erotic moments have been found in the most unexpected places. See what tickles your fancy & browse at your leisure: http://old-white-stains.tumblr.com/Who is your favorite erotic artist? Tell us your favorite erotica authors, directors, actors, performance artists, painters, poets--there's so much to explore! Here's a link to some erotica sites (The 1st site was a bust, but I enjoyed PonyXPress ;) : http://www.topsite.com/best/erotic
I'll leave you with the following from Audre Lorde on uses of the erotic. I love how she explains the erotic as our source and strength. This woman was PHENOMENAL. Please click on her name for her wiki link and look up her writings on the erotic. Her words are well worth it. "There are many kinds of power, used and unused, acknowledged or otherwise. The erotic is a resource within each of us that lies in a deeply female and spiritual plane, firmly rooted in the power of our unexpressed or unrecognized feeling. In order to perpetuate itself, every oppression must corrupt or distort those various sources of power within the culture of the oppressed that can provide energy for change. For women, this has meant a suppression of the erotic as a considered source of power and information within our lives...The erotic is a measure between our sense of self and the chaos of our strongest feelings. It is an internal sense of satisfaction to which, once we have experienced it, we know we can aspire. For having experienced the fullness of this depth of feeling and recognizing its power, in honor and self-respect we can require no less of ourselves. It is never easy to demand the most from ourselves, from our lives, from our work. To encourage excellence is to go beyond the encouraged mediocrity of our society is to encourage excellence. But giving in to the fear of feeling and working to capacity is a luxury only the unintentional can afford, and the unintentional are those who do not wish to guide their own destinies. This internal requirement toward excellence which we learn from the erotic must not be misconstrued as demanding the impossible from ourselves nor from others. Such a demand incapacitates everyone in the process. For the erotic is not a question only of what we do; it is a question of how acutely and fully we can feel in the doing. Once we know the extent to which we are capable of feeling that sense of satisfaction and completion, we can then observe which of our various life endeavors bring us closest to that fullness. The aim of each thing which we do is to make our lives and the lives of our children richer and more possible. Within the celebration of the erotic in all our endeavors, my work becomes a conscious decision - a longed-for bed which I enter gratefully and from which I rise up empowered." (from "Uses of the Erotic") Thoughts? Check out the vintage erotica blog! http://old-white-stains.tumblr.com/ -XRA
The ratio of the length of a man’s index finger to that of his ring finger may seem like a strange thing to measure, but new research suggests that it’s linked with penis size. The lower the ratio, the longer the penis. The new study was conducted on 144 Korean men who were hospitalized for urological surgery. A researcher measured the patients’ penile length — flaccid and stretched — just after they went under anesthesia for their operations. A different researcher measured the men’s finger lengths, in order to prevent knowledge of one measurement unconsciously affecting the other. They data suggested that those with a lower ratio, whose index finger (or second finger, 2D) was shorter than the ring finger (or fourth finger, 4D), had a longer stretched penis length, which is well correlated with erect size. “Based on this evidence, we suggest that digit ratio can predict adult penile size,” the researchers, led by Dr. Tae Beom Kim of Gachon University in Incheon, Korea, wrote. Previous studies have linked the so-called 2D:4D ratio of finger length with exposure to the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone in the womb. So it’s plausible that the same exposure may affect penis length. Higher testosterone levels during fetal development are associated with a lower 2D:4D ratio, while higher estrogen levels are connected with a higher one. Most men have index fingers that are shorter (low ratio) than their ring fingers, while most women’s index fingers are the same size or longer (high ratio) than their ring fingers. Research has shown, however, that lesbians and female-to-male transgendered people are more likely to have more “male” ratios. Finger-length ratios have been linked previously with a variety of other characteristics: in both males and females, lower ratios are associated with better athletic performance. In men, one study found that a lower ratio was connected with more success at high-frequency financial trading, while another study associated it with better performance on medical school entrance exams; women were not included in those studies. Men with lower 2D:4D ratios were also more likely to have more “masculine” features, to have more symmetrical faces, and to be considered attractive by women, according to another study. Yet other research links low 2D:4D ratios with higher rates of alcohol consumption and alcoholism itself. Some data suggest that a more “female” finger-length ratio in men is associated with increased risk for oral cancer but reduced risk for prostate cancer. In both boys and girls, lower and more “male” 2D:4D ratios have also been repeatedly connected with autism; interestingly, a recent study also found that female-to-male transgendered people are more likely to have autistic traits. Of course, it remains to be seen whether the correlation between penis size and 2D:4D ratio holds true in non-Korean men or in Korean men who aren’t having some type of urological surgery. But if so, digit ratio could be good for more than just a pick-up line at a bar. An easy and non-invasive measurement, it could give doctors a quick way to gauge how much testosterone their patients were exposed to in the womb, wrote Dr. Denise Brooks McQuade of Skidmore College in Saratoga Springs, N.Y., in an editorial accompanying the study. The study was published in the Asian Journal of Andrology. Maia Szalavitz is a health writer at TIME.com. Find her on Twitter at @maiasz. You can also continue the discussion on TIME Healthland’s Facebook page and on Twitter at @TIMEHealthland.Read more: http://healthland.time.com/2011/07/06/penis-size-it-may-be-written-in-the-length-of-his-fingers/?iid=hl-category-mostpop1#ixzz22mcsOZoi
KA here: I knew it! They DO want to cuddle! But I think the ones that don't want to cuddle, don't really feel love for the one they just got it on with. And that the survey proved that women really do want some hot valuable sex is a no duh. Guys... we don't want to fake orgasms anymore! If you want to keep us happy, give us everything you got! And don't give up until you KNOW we had an orgasm, or 2, or 3 ...
http://healthland.time.com/2011/07/07/survey-shows-who-really-wants-to-cuddle-its-men/
from www.yourtango.com By Jenna Birch
Every woman, whether she wants to admit it or not, has envisioned The Perfect Guy in her head. I have. I still do. So, when I read this part of Greta Christina's article, " Wealthy, Handsome, Strong, Packing Endless Hard-Ons: The Impossible Ideals Men Are Expected to Meet," I laughed. Because it sounds completely ridiculous when you put it in writing. So, behold. This is the male ideal: We have ideas "in American culture about what a 'real man' is and does. You know: strong, competitive, dominant, wealthy, good at fixing machinery, lots of sexual partners, enjoys sports... Guys? Listen up. The world is telling you to turn yourself into a unicorn and start shitting diamonds... You will never, ever be man enough. So stop giving a damn." How to Get Your Ideal Partner Humorous? Yes. A bit. But only if it's hyperbole. If not, it totally sucks. Are we really holding men to a standard of complete impossibility? When we're out there in the dating scene looking for a potential match, are we searching for someone who doesn't exist; a figment of our warped imaginations? Christina's article touches on the pressure society puts on men to be contradicting forms of everything. Guys better make a CEO paycheck, but work with their hands because that's the sexy job. (How many mechanics do you know who make six figures?) Men better be strong in the right situations, but be sensitive the rest of the time (and it's up them to figure out which situations require which trait, and then continuously walk that fine line). Christina argues that men can't live up to that. For the most part, I agree. But I don't necessarily think it's society who puts this pressure on men. I think it's women. It resonated with me when Streeter Seidell wrote that pretty much every single thing a guy does is fueled by one goal: to impress women. Our world runs on sexual tension, romantic entanglements and a never-ending search to find The One. Men dress up, work out, make money and become the "ideal" because they think we might like them a little more. And sadly, we allow that. But what guys don't know? Every single woman has a different ideal, and she probably won't readily admit to what that ideal is. Because it's absurd. 7 Common Things Women Do To Impress A Man Until we meet Mr. Right, our ideals all read like this: Perfect. Whatever "perfect" means to us individually. That's the hitch. Guys don't know what "perfect" means to each and every woman. So, men start to get the idea that they have to be absolutely everything—just to cover all the bases—and that can't be done. I am guilty of keeping to my ideal. I've always just called it "high standards," but maybe it's more like "the standards that could likely sabotage your love life." Maybe I'm not giving guys enough of a chance. Maybe we're all not. Maybe we're just too hard on them. And maybe we need to stop making all these stupid lists. If I sat down and tried to describe what The Perfect Guy looked like, I could never do it. But I could list the sorts qualities that man would have all day long, because I have created the standard of perfection in my head, with so many intricate quirks, since I've been little girl. You probably have, too. And as time goes on, we constantly add to the list based on our changing needs and wants. Athletic prowess may not be important, but a high-profile job might. Maybe you used to want a guy with tousled blond hair, but now you favor men with a darker look. And your best friend? She could want the exact opposite. How do guys keep up? That's right. They can't. Imperfection Does Not Equal Rejection Single women, I think we need to throw the lists out. For the sake of these impossible male ideals, and for the sake of our own love lives. (Married women, you probably ditched the lists a while ago. And when you did, when you realized your "perfect" wasn't attainable, you found your match. Props.)
A friend once told me that she was always afraid to make it official with a guy. There was always something in the back of her mind that kept her from total happiness. And it all had to do with the list. Why wouldn't she commit to a guy—even if she really felt the spark?
"Because what if there's someone better out there?" she said. Translated: What if there's a man who fits my Perfect Guy description better? Nonsense. Don't we all know love doesn't work that way by now? Even me. I should know better, but I always seem to forget.
Another reason to toss the list? Because you're making it a lot harder for yourself to meet The Perfect Guy. And what else? When you do meet him, the list isn't going to matter anymore. So, why live by it now?
Be honest: Do you hold men to impossibly high standards?
GoodCleanLove.com:
The Conversational Kiss June 3rd, 2011 “A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That’s basic spelling that every woman ought to know.” -Jeanne Bourgeois If ever there was a communication mechanism that predicted the destiny and longevity of a romantic interlude, it is the kiss. What we say with our kisses, as well as how they are received and understood is the basis for all the sexual conversations that they initiate. The dynamics of a great kiss are multi-layered and complex, as the moment our lips meet a cascade of neural messages and chemicals are released in the brain that transmit multiple messages of intimate connection, sexual potential and even euphoria. Indeed, when we kiss deeply, our hearts beat faster and our breathing becomes deep and irregular, mimicking the response of intense exercise. Indeed, the human art form of kissing has developed over millennia and our ancestors believed that the kiss carried the power to unite their souls, as they presumed that the spirit was carried on the breath. This is not surprising as our urge to kiss is at the root of our biological imperative to procreate. Our human form of kissing is related to some of the most primitive animal behaviors that we share with all mammals, which allow us to smell our mates to determine genetic compatibility. This is why it is impossible to imagine kissing someone who smells offensive to you. The primal scent attraction that happens or doesn’t in a first kiss is actually a biological safety mechanism that deters us from poor genetic matches. Still, even where compatibility exists, many go unaware of the subtleties, which can turn kissing into the passionate art form that it is. One secret that transforms every kiss is the power of intention that every kiss holds. Kisses that are insincere or are demanding intimacy that doesn’t exist are visible for what they are. Whether it is a first kiss or the five thousandth kiss good bye, your kiss reveals you. You cannot hide your ambivalence inside of a kiss. There is no forcing in a kiss; although most of us can remember the unwelcome thrust of an un-invited tongue shoving its way in. The use of unnecessary force or the urge to pull away speaks volumes. Approaching the art of kissing with the same goals we bring to cultivating meaningful conversation, clarifies both technique and intent. In fact, if you think of kissing as a way of communicating in ways that words can’t come close, the subtlety of good kissing technique comes clear. There are three primary elements that turn on a kissing conversation: breath, lips and tongue. One of the first essential discoveries in the art of kissing is that it should not be rushed. Just as a real conversation opens with the capacity to listen, the patient kisser is curious and their kisses demonstrate their sensitivity and understanding. Rushing in and trying to take control of the kiss screams amateur and pushes people away more often than pulling them in. Employing the breath as a space holder and using it to connect to your partner conveys the deep connection that it cultivates. Breathing through your nose and allowing deeper breaths to align you with your partner is one way to get the connection deeply. Many tantric techniques rely only on synchronized breathing to create a mystical and profound unity. This slow attentive kissing can open the doorway to deep passion that may just leave you gasping for air. Our lips have the ability to give our kisses an enormous vocabulary. The human lips are covered with thousands of nerve endings and have the ability to communicate soft opening as well as firm control. Experiment with softening your lips even for a short kiss and see how that changes the dialogue. Hard kisses with tight lips can be overwhelming even in the midst of serious passion. Soft open-mouth kisses invite your partner into a dialogue, which is the goal. Feel for response. Open-mouthed kissing can teach you a lot about opening to relationships: about how to avoid forcing things, as well as giving both partners the opportunity to be active participants choosing their unspoken words. The agile tongue can speak volumes in a kiss. Unfortunately, many people misunderstand the French kiss is as a simple insertion of their tongue in the mouth of their partner. Nothing can kill a kissing mood faster than a sloppy tongue in the midst of a tentative open-mouth kissing conversation. Consider the tongue as your diplomat, and just like in a good conversationalist, use the tongue judiciously to communicate interest, curiosity and intrigue. A light tongue tracing the lips, quick darting meeting of tongues in the center of open lips is incredibly exciting and will open the conversation to new levels. Developing the artistic capacity to communicate with kisses will not only enhance the physical intimacy that you share but you will be surprised at how much safer and more open your verbal conversations will become.
Request for Participants: Interviews on BDSM and its effect on trauma and shame. This is the first stage of the gathering of stories to form a collected work of experiences that show a glimpse of the process that some people go through when BDSM touches on previous trauma or shame. If you have an experience to tell, for better or worse, and would like to contribute please do. If you know of people who might be interested in contributing, please share the link. Anonymity is assured. Please share this with those you think would find it relevant or might be interested in participating. The link goo.gl/M2U3E allows people to access the form online. Thank you Tim Murray Goddard College IBA Program tim.murray@goddard.edu This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Request for Participants: Interviews on BDSM and its effect on trauma and shame. As a student at Goddard College I am gathering stories from individuals who have experienced sexual trauma and have, either successfully or unsuccessfully, intentionally used BDSM to cope with, treat, or otherwise re-direct their emotions around the issue. BDSM is a compound acronym referring to Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism among other variants in sexual exploration. For the purposes of this survey it is the term used to account for all "alternative" sexual practices related to the mentioned activities. This interview is being administered under the assumption that you, as the interviewee, have at some point willingly experimented with spanking, being tied up, tying someone up, role playing, and other related activities that may not be detailed in this interview. If discussing these aspects of your experience is not acceptable please feel free to end the interview now. If not, we will begin with some questions to establish a common understanding and build to more personal questions. With those willing, I would like to do interviews in person or over the phone as available. I will be making personal trips to the San Francisco, Seattle, New York and other areas to hold interviews if enough participants are interested. Phone interviews will be conducted for those unable or uninterested in attending. The final purpose of this project is to assemble a collected work of stories and experiences that expresses some of the decisions and feelings involved in the various paths people have taken through this. The presentation will be similar to The Vagina Monologues, Pouring Tea, and other collected oral and written histories. -Tim Murray tim.murray@goddard.edu
Article from Good Clean Love: “We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” -Kenji Miyazawa The relationship between pain and pleasure in human sexuality is as profound as it is complex. It is a polarity that lives in each of us and deserves our curiosity. Sadly, it is not unusual for us to close down to situations that we fear will bring pain and discomfort. Replacing our tendency of avoidance with a capacity for wonder when it comes to our pain associations with sex is eye opening and has the potential to release an untapped capacity for pleasure. Each time I have sex I am struck by the ecstatic release of deep pleasure, which ignites an equal release of intense pain. The pelvic cavity, one of the most miraculous wonders in the human body, balancing both the capacity to walk erect and procreate, is a truth teller for most of us. It is an internal space where sensation is leader and I have long wondered what begets what, if it is actually the intensity of the pain that arouses the pleasure or the other way around. So difficult it is to tease out, that I have come to believe that the pain/pleasure of our deepest sexual release is one in the same. In fact, love, sex, pain and violence all stimulate the release of similar chemicals and hormones in the human body. Endorphins that are released in painful experiences are often perceived as pleasurable. Stress and pain can also stimulate the serotonin and melatonin production in the brain, which transforms painful experiences into pleasure. The release of epinephrine and norepinephrine in pain can also cause a pleasurable ‘rush’. Normal human biological response actually supports the complex and mysterious link between pain and pleasure, which we see in the runner’s high and the facial expressions during orgasmic release. Given our biology, it is not terribly surprising that the practice of combining painful techniques with sexuality is ancient. Roman poets, ancient tribal drawings and even the Kama Sutra all refer to safe practices of what has come to be known as BDSM. This acronym, which refers to Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism, reflects the ancient sexual rituals of sexual dominance and submission that have qualified sex throughout history. Depending on the study examined, particularly in the U.S. and Europe, the percentages of people who practice some form of these techniques is between 10-25%. Interestingly, this percentage is matched by an equally significant percentage of people who become cutoff from their sexuality due to their fear of the pain associated with sex. Looking at how our sexual experience is mirrored in the emotions and soul of our relationship offers an illuminating perspective. Here is my hypothesis: loving someone emotionally creates the same pain/pleasure experience that lives in the body while making love to them. The moments of deep connection and intimacy, vulnerability and nakedness are matched by their opposite experience: feeling deeply hurt by your lover, by what was said, or, just as often, what went unsaid. The act of loving in whatever form requires a willingness to experience both the pain and pleasure. This is the piece of sustaining loving relationships that is easy to miss, or at least misunderstand, and tragically the place where we walk away from the heart of what we want most. http://daily.goodcleanlove.com/making-love-sustainable/2011/05/20/the-curious-connection-between-pain-and-pleasure/#more-6693WB4JEHJ5222Y
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